HEY GRANDPA! GRANDMA WANTS HER SHIRT BACK!

While the paper this week recommends the New York Dolls shows tonight at Berbati’s, I’m going to have to go ahead and put a spike in that. This show is pure and total cash-in garbage. Watching David Johnason mince around the stage like grandpa before bath-time is a goddamn joke.

For some time I’ve had a saying: Kill Mick Jagger.

Blashemphy, you say! Hang on, hang on. Allow me to explain: I love the Stones as much as anyone, but they just need to stop putting on ruinous legacy tarnishing geriatric, lukewarm Superbowl performances and the like. Such amazing artists should know better. Show some class! And for gods-sake we don’t need to hear “Satisfaction” for the 8-millionth goddamn time. You think John Lennon would be licking corporate boot were he alive today? Hell no, he’d know better.

And so should the New York Dolls know better. Disagree with me all you want about my poorly explained Stones-theory (I haven’t eaten yet and just feeling twisted up in general… so this whole thing may be a stream-of-conscious mess) but at least their important members are ALIVE! Good goddamn… When will people learn? When the most important members of the band kick the bucket, LET THEIR MEMORY REST IN PIECE! ALL THINGS MUST EVENTUALLY END, EVEN IF YOU HAVEN’T YET.

And Jesus, Glam, of all musical styles, does not lend itself to a bunch a wrinkly old coots strutting around the stage as if they’re on the forefront of anything…. Give me a break. Knocking on Death’s door is only cool if you’re young.

I saw the Dolls on OPB recently (yeah, PBS, how fucking crazy punk rock is that?). It just made me cringe. I couldn’t even laugh. It wasn’t funny. It was sad.

So find a new band to see tonight, rather than pretending tonight you’re seeing a vital one. Johnny Thunders would be proud.