In other news, three major record companies entered into a deal with Myspace in hopes of prolonging their death. STARVE YOU DINOSAURS, STARVE! I WANT TO SEE YOUR RIBS THEN KICK THEM!

The deal is of course, a total boner. Not that I’d want to, and I’d only have done it for a substantial six-figure fee, but I could’ve saved these companies millions and millions with a simple “no”—as in, “no, don’t do that, you fucking idiots.”

Why? It’s simple: Listening to music on Myspace sucks! Hell, listening to music on the web at all pretty much sucks. iTunes, which recently became the country’s top music vendor, works because it’s separate from the web. No ads, no dumb ass Flash everywhere, and, oh yeah, a fucking MASSIVE tie-in to the only MP3 players worth owning.

Seriously, do you want to buy music from Myspace? Shit, do you want to buy anything from them? Good God no. We’ll take a look to see if that hot girl is single yet and send a dumbass letter to our friend in Panama, but WE’RE NOT BUYING ANY MUSIC! FUCK YOU!

Certainly there’ll be some big technological overhaul, but I can’t imagine it’ll be sleek and unobtrusive enough to remotely challenge Apple. I’m sure it’ll be just the opposite: a big, clunky, clusterfuck. Sorry, suckers!

Granted, we do use the web to get music. I don’t know about you, but I like to get the music OFF my computer and AWAY from my desktop as soon as possible. RRRRRRRRR… I’m irked by the whole notion of more Myspace and music… Thank God it’s not going to work.

And so it is said.