This morning, as I do every morning over coffee, I picked up the sports section first. As I did, I found myself asking why? Basketball season is over, and well, the rest of it bores me. But habits are what they are, and some are hard to break—plus it takes a certain amount of time to consume some 40oz of coffee and I’ve got to read something. I like to save the Arts section until I’ve got a buzz, and the front page is way to depressing to begin the day with. So yeah, sports. But without basketball… well… it stinks.

I did, however, find a sweet little bit of basketball and music related sweetness: a Shaq freestyle. Hot damn. Dude is TERRIBLE! And totally fucking hilarious. I don’t want to spoil all his best jokes, but at one point the Bio Diesel works in a mention of his VASECTOMY (which is probably the smartest thing in the world for any professional athlete…)

The video doesn’t embed, and you’ll have to watch some dumb-ass commercial about smores, but it’s totally worth it! Get down with Shaq’s freestyle here.

After you do, you’ll be wishing even harder that this sucker would’ve come out:

It’s certainly time for a response, loser! RAP BATTLE!