This Week in the Mercury

Venturing Into the Portland International Film Festival


Venturing Into the Portland International Film Festival

PIFF Is an Affordable Way to Stay Worldly—Even If You Never Leave PDX

KING's Cool, Lush, Triumphant Soul


KING's Cool, Lush, Triumphant Soul

Creative Sovereignty Propels the Trio's Soulful Sound

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Save Us Lord (From His Dreadlocks)

Posted by Andrew R Tonry on Wed, Aug 13, 2008 at 1:47 PM

Oh my god. Yesterday Ezra and I watched the US Men's Basketball team whoop Angola. During half-time, while Ezra was in the bathroom, I decided to thumb through the music in his iPhone and you're not going to believe what I found.


WOW. Do you believe that shit? It's like everything bad was rolled into a single spliff! I suppose there could be a little rap-rock in there, but I'm sure if one were to search out Newton Faulkner's extended catalog the big, stinking, hip-hop influenced turd would be easily found. Frankly, I my ears (and EYES) can't take any more.

I'm stunned. Faulkner takes college schlock to a whole new level--couldn't they have at least found a less-ugly broseph to hang this job on? You think anyone has ever sexed things up to this? How about, not via iPod, but while IT's PLAYING ON TV! (Or better yet a dorm room computer monitor) GOOD GOD! Whatever coffee and tea bar this ratso came from should be shut down for helping deliver such an abomination to the world. FUCK! I'm furious! (And Ezra, I am ashamed.)

Listen to a few of these influences: Jurrassic 5, Tom Waits(!), PRIMUS, Jamiroquai, The Presidents, Pearl Jam, Slick Rick and Cornelius.

What, no Sublime?

This gets way worse and 1000X better after the jump.

Oh man! There's a chat room on his Myspace. Check out a few of these beauties:

Adam: Not a really attractive man is he

yomamma: it is my friday!!!!!

guest87570: man, this is boring. bye :)

e_ace_c: nu-ton, eye have a boner 4 u!

Ok. This is totally getting out of hand but if you want to add to the discussion, you totally can! Right here:

Oh this is so fucked.

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