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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Let's Talk About... The Motions of Paradox

Posted by Andrew R Tonry on Wed, Apr 8, 2009 at 1:43 PM

539c/1239225433-1rockstar.jpg

While in Colorado last week I had the privilege/misfortune of attending a comically bad local rap show. It was in an over-sized, under-attended seedy bar more accustomed to rock.

One of the opening act's command of hubris was especially impressive. He brought a projector and screen, which cycled through about four photos of himself from a faux-fashion shoot DURING THE SET. Though the space was three-quarters empty, "MAKE SOME NOISE!" was brought back constantly, followed by, "Y'ALL CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT--I SAID MAKE SOME MOTHAFUCKIN' NOISE!" This to a seated audience and a barren dance floor in front—you know, where there's nobody within fifteen feet of the performers. They'd muble a little louder just to be left alone.

Now, nothing too out of whack here, just the usual bad rap show stuff. (And for the record, can we kill "Make Some Noise!!!" for all but the most amazing rap shows? Nah, fuck it, not even then. We'll cheer when we want, when the PERFORMANCE inspires US!) Then, in a lyric, the bomb drops:

"You're looking at a legend / You're looking at a star"

Either way you explain that line in an empty, unwilling club—as absolute obliviousness or an ego gone mad—it's almost inspiring. As in: "fuck your results and truth, I'm staying in Toon Town!" (If these type of songs were only some exercise in creative writing, fiction and acting they might really be something. Alas, they are not.)

And though it underscored only underscored another with a romantic, idealized notion of performance and stardom, while lacking individuality and talent, choosing instead to rely on the motions of the already successful —again, par for the course—it got me thinking. This sort of phenomenon must happen in rock as well. But how?

An impartial list:

- Playing a long-ass set when the audience clearly isn't digging it.
- Dressing like you're from the 60's.
- Scarves.
- Pretending to be a drug addict.
- Becoming a drug addict.
- Dressing like you're from the 80's.
- Pre-planning encores.
- Bringing 8-billion instruments and pedals and using two.
- Opening band encores.
- Smashing guitars.
- Switching guitars.
- Ripping off the Rolling Stones.
- Keeping your leather jacket on no matter how hot it gets.
- Pretending it's the soundman's fault.

I await your additions.

 

Comments (5) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Making the people wait
Talking too much between songs
Not saying anything between songs
Sunglasses
Posted by D on April 8, 2009 at 5:30 PM · Report
2
Good one... Taking too much time in between songs is huge.
Posted by workingclassdog on April 8, 2009 at 9:59 PM · Report
3
- Having a million pedals and not knowing what to do when you cant' get a signal through (hint - maybe play without them?)
-Tuning between each song (sometimes needed, but not usually)
Posted by ouch! on April 9, 2009 at 9:37 AM · Report
4
Showing up late and/or starting late when you're the opening band on a fucknig Wednesday.
Posted by Battleaxe on April 9, 2009 at 12:23 PM · Report
5
"We have merch for sale in the back."

I have been consistently attending shows for about 16 years now, and never—not once—have I been unable to find the merch table. I do not need directions from the dude on stage. No need to draw me a map, I can find the giant card table with shirts and CDs on it just fine.
Posted by ezra on April 10, 2009 at 10:30 AM · Report

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