This Week in the Mercury
Monday, May 18, 2009
Contest Win Tickets to The Avett Brothers!
Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Mon, May 18, 2009 at 9:21 AM
If you have ever been so fortunate to witness a concert from the mighty The Avett Brothers, you'll understand why we're so excited to be giving away a pair of tickets to their Saturday, May 23rd show at the Crystal Ballroom.
Portland and the Avetts have a close relationship, as this city of ours caught on to the North Carolina trio—thanks to a now-legendary Pickathon performance—long before the rest of the country came around. Their upcoming two-night stand in town will feature all the hits from Emotionalism (and beyond), plus some new numbers from the Rick Rubin produced I and Love and You, which will be out August 11th.
To win two tickets into the loving Avett embrace, just comment below on why you think you deserve to go to the show. The finest comment by tomorrow (Tuesday) at noon will be declared the glorious winner. Good luck.
LISTEN:
The Avett Brothers - "Paranoia in B-flat Major"
Photo: Melissa Madison Fuller
2
I deserve to go to the show because I TOTES love the Jonas Brothers!!! Seriously, OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH! Chastity rules SO hard. Soooooo, mmmmm, hard.
3
I can't afford the show because my boss don't pay me / I need these tickets like biscuits need gravy
4
Because all my friends will be there telling me I'm wrong...
And my wife and I won't be murdered in the city!
And my wife and I won't be murdered in the city!
5
I deserve to win tickets because I work really hard and do good things and help people and I really want to go really really bad, but can't afford tickets.
7
I really want to go because I remember when their hit "Bye Bye Love" came out in the late 50s and we used to go dancing and listen to Don and Phil Avett harmonize so beautifully, back in the days when they toured with Buddy Holly.
It was so sad to see them split back in '73 when Don was getting too drunk to play venues like Knott's Berry Farms. I did, however, have the opportunity to see these Rock'n'Roll Hall of Famers when they toured reunited with another reunited duo, Simon & Garfunkel, a few years back.
The legacy of these iconic brothers, who hold the record for most Top 100 hits by any duo, is truly great and I would love to see them sing songs like "All I Have To Do Is Dream" just once more.
It was so sad to see them split back in '73 when Don was getting too drunk to play venues like Knott's Berry Farms. I did, however, have the opportunity to see these Rock'n'Roll Hall of Famers when they toured reunited with another reunited duo, Simon & Garfunkel, a few years back.
The legacy of these iconic brothers, who hold the record for most Top 100 hits by any duo, is truly great and I would love to see them sing songs like "All I Have To Do Is Dream" just once more.
8
I haven't left the perimeter of my yard in the last three days, as I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no money to spend if I did. This would be such sweet relief from the pathetic existence I am living, if only for a night.
9
What would a butterfly sound like if you could record it with a flea-sized microphone as it traveled along its delicate path, then you multiplied the frequencies by 4, and finally, broadcast that from a helicopter through a massive megaphone into the Grand Canyon at 140 decibels? I just think, if you're a topless sunbather at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, you probably don't want to hear that, but maybe you do. I just don't know. I've long since given up trying to anticipate what topless sunbathers want from me.
Long story short(ish), pick me because for (1) I won't try to guess what topless sunbathers want, (2) I usually buy beer at the venue, so you can feel good about sending me and, (3) I'm not laboring under the false pretense that proclaiming how pathetic and miserably poor I am will pull on the heartstrings of whatever dumbass ends up picking out one of these posts as capriciously as Obama's early cabinet picks.
Long story short(ish), pick me because for (1) I won't try to guess what topless sunbathers want, (2) I usually buy beer at the venue, so you can feel good about sending me and, (3) I'm not laboring under the false pretense that proclaiming how pathetic and miserably poor I am will pull on the heartstrings of whatever dumbass ends up picking out one of these posts as capriciously as Obama's early cabinet picks.
10
I deserve these tickets because I am a white male and my institutional privileges tell me that I do.
And I like free stuff.
And I like free stuff.
11
Look, my wife of nearly a decade and I split up 3 months ago. I left 2 gorgeous, smart kids (future Mercury readers, natch) in the comfortable hipster confines of NE PDX and had to move to Vancouver because it was all I could afford. I rarely get back to Portland and when I do I can no longer spend my extra cash on our dynamic local music scene they way I once did. Vancouver is a fine place but my soul is dying. DYING.
What better way to save my soul for at least one more day than to hear fantastic country-tinged heartbreak? I mean, I keep tellin’ myself that it’ll be fine. You can’t make everybody happy all of the time. I find myself in a place that I never been. A place that I thought that I could never be.
Help me. Save my soul, at least through Memorial Day.
(also: my job involves having to do rectal exams. I need something else in my life. Seriously. It's bad.)
What better way to save my soul for at least one more day than to hear fantastic country-tinged heartbreak? I mean, I keep tellin’ myself that it’ll be fine. You can’t make everybody happy all of the time. I find myself in a place that I never been. A place that I thought that I could never be.
Help me. Save my soul, at least through Memorial Day.
(also: my job involves having to do rectal exams. I need something else in my life. Seriously. It's bad.)
12
True story: I got hit by a truck while crossing Naito Parkway on a crosswalk last Tuesday. Some guy was not paying attention, and hit me and my bike. My bike is totaled and I've been laid out with a bad concussion, dislocated ribs and a bunk knee.
Seeing the Avett Brothers would make me feel soooooo much better! Don't you think?
Seeing the Avett Brothers would make me feel soooooo much better! Don't you think?
13
Dear Portland Mercury,
You didnt accept me as your news intern when I am clearly qualified for the position. Was it my Club Monaco sweater that you didn't like? Perhaps I should have left the tie at home. That is what I get for reading GQ.
In all honestly, I would rather be an arts and culture intern. Having interned at a Conde Nast publication for over 6 months in NYC, it is probably where I would excel at even more than a news intern. Unfortunately, it has stated on your website that there has been no need for an A & C intern since about 2007. Should I still apply despite the seemingly impossibly escape of rejection once again?
Please send me to this show so that I can write a 200 word review that will impress Ezra and the rest of the staff so much that you will immediately publish it on this blog and then ask me back to get you coffee, rub your feet, do endless hours of standing at the copy machine and other intern-related duties for the summer months. Insert obligatory second sentence here to make it officially, a real paragraph.
Sincerely,
Saxon Baird
You didnt accept me as your news intern when I am clearly qualified for the position. Was it my Club Monaco sweater that you didn't like? Perhaps I should have left the tie at home. That is what I get for reading GQ.
In all honestly, I would rather be an arts and culture intern. Having interned at a Conde Nast publication for over 6 months in NYC, it is probably where I would excel at even more than a news intern. Unfortunately, it has stated on your website that there has been no need for an A & C intern since about 2007. Should I still apply despite the seemingly impossibly escape of rejection once again?
Please send me to this show so that I can write a 200 word review that will impress Ezra and the rest of the staff so much that you will immediately publish it on this blog and then ask me back to get you coffee, rub your feet, do endless hours of standing at the copy machine and other intern-related duties for the summer months. Insert obligatory second sentence here to make it officially, a real paragraph.
Sincerely,
Saxon Baird
14
I want to go see the Avett Bros for the same reason I love "Paranoia" and all of their songs. Their lyrics are honest and depressing, but they have one helluva beat. So your wife leaves you or you get hit by a truck or you are unemployed, slowly going broke and seriously considering welfare. Or maybe you're going to be 31 in a few days and your family won't get off your back about getting married, having kids and moving home. Did I mention that it's almost June and it's still RAINING? What the fuck is with the rain!?! What else can you do but drink your cheap ass beer and eat your Top Ramen? Oh, and start stomping your feet sucker because you're always going to have problems, so La Da DaDum La Da DaDum La Daaaaa
15
In a town not too far from here, one overrun with references to the Grateful Dead, let's call it You-Green, Orygun, back in the days when I was younger, longer-haired and obsessed with eating food that looked like owl pellets, I helped my good friend jumpstart his boat of a car.
Three hours later, after getting a jump every 10 blocks, we were joined by my friend's identical twin brother to push this car to a parking spot where the salvation army would come pick it up for a donation. We only got as far as the parking lot behind the old Woodman of the World union hall soaking wet from the rain, and asked the bearded, suspendered men hanging out if they'd be willing to give us a jump.
Not only did they give us a jump, but they gave us comp tickets to get into their concert that night.
These men were the, you guessed it, Avett Brothers.
While people were picking cans up on the floor after the most amazing sweaty show, I had a threesome with these identical twins in the bathroom of the W.O.W. concert hall.
I'd like to repeat this experience of hot threesomes at free Avett Brothers shows. Therefore, I need these tickets.
Three hours later, after getting a jump every 10 blocks, we were joined by my friend's identical twin brother to push this car to a parking spot where the salvation army would come pick it up for a donation. We only got as far as the parking lot behind the old Woodman of the World union hall soaking wet from the rain, and asked the bearded, suspendered men hanging out if they'd be willing to give us a jump.
Not only did they give us a jump, but they gave us comp tickets to get into their concert that night.
These men were the, you guessed it, Avett Brothers.
While people were picking cans up on the floor after the most amazing sweaty show, I had a threesome with these identical twins in the bathroom of the W.O.W. concert hall.
I'd like to repeat this experience of hot threesomes at free Avett Brothers shows. Therefore, I need these tickets.
16
Tuesday Afternoon-----
I checked in to see how my competition checked out/ Turns out PDX is way more pathetic than me:
Divorce? Truck Crash? Checkin' Asses? Shit. / All I came with was a lame lack of cheese.
Who I gotta blow / to cop some tickets, yo? /
Oh right, only two dudes at their Eugene show / I should have known that my sad rap was weak
[drops mic]
[hopefully for good]
I checked in to see how my competition checked out/ Turns out PDX is way more pathetic than me:
Divorce? Truck Crash? Checkin' Asses? Shit. / All I came with was a lame lack of cheese.
Who I gotta blow / to cop some tickets, yo? /
Oh right, only two dudes at their Eugene show / I should have known that my sad rap was weak
[drops mic]
[hopefully for good]
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