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Monday, November 9, 2009

Video Black Monday is Coming!

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Mon, Nov 9, 2009 at 2:45 PM

A week from today, a dark cloud will settle over Portland. Two of the worst bands on the planet—and I say this as a fan of some truly terrible music—will pull into town and soil our precious city on both sides of the river. Lock up your kids and loved ones, it's gonna be a rough night.

Brokencyde and Attack Attack! will both be playing separate shows in town on Monday the 17th. Brokencyde, the emo crunksters from "Albucrunky," will be at the Satyricon, while bible-thumping "crabcore" act Attack Attack! will be at the Hawthorne Theatre. Our dilemma is deciding which show to attend.

The argument for Attack Attack!:
An absolutely baffling trainwreck of screech-by-numbers screamo, alongside totally out-of-place piano solos, and techno beats. Plus, their "crabcore" stage moves resemble a sort of forceful tea bagging. If you can make it through this video, I should pay you money.

The argument for Brokencyde:
Rich little pricks that desecrate both hiphop and emo in a single song, which is oddly impressive when you think of it. Although, someone really should inform them that it's never cool for a bunch of white kids to drop the n-word. EVER. Toss in some horrendous misogyny ("Come on bitch, you know you want this"), and haircuts that practically invite my fist to their face, and you might have the worst musical act ever. If you can make it through this video, you are the greatest person on earth.

Done gouging out your eyes? Cool. So, which show should we attend? We're totally free that night, so we'll let you plan our evening.

 

Comments (7) RSS

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1
BROKENCYDE!

The goal is: ironic attendance > genuine attendance.
Posted by Commenty Colin on November 9, 2009 at 2:50 PM · Report
2
These are both absolutely horrible but I'd opt for Brokencyde. Smaller room, more potential for connecting with a beer bottle to one of their heads
Posted by jim on November 9, 2009 at 2:50 PM · Report
3
I kinda want to go to Brokencyde... but I don't want to pay actual money. Can you give me free tickets?
Posted by Graham on November 9, 2009 at 4:54 PM · Report
4
so nobody lost a bet here? i caught the first ten seconds of the first video on mute (with a mean jeans 7" playing in the background) and nearly pissed my pants. to witness live would be worth it for about ten seconds too, then the joke would become so ingrating i'm not sure how anyone could handle staying any longer. haven't clicked play on the next one, tho.... "I don't care about nouthin' you sa-aid.. eh-eh... cause I'm a Total Creep! Total Creep!"
Posted by mhulth on November 9, 2009 at 8:58 PM · Report
5
I say this as someone who has watched that Attack Attack way way way too many times I would absolutely go to that show. BrokenCYDE is funny at first but the whole concept is tiring. Attack Attack just has so many great things going for them. Mostly I would just go to see if they can headbang that hard live because my head hurts just watching the video.

If you end up going to the brokenCYDE show but have free tickets to the attack attack show I'd love to do a write up for you
Posted by cbatson on November 10, 2009 at 2:00 PM · Report
6
Did Audrina from The Hills sign these bands?
Posted by Cary Clarke on November 12, 2009 at 5:47 PM · Report
7
so which one was it???
Posted by mhulth on November 18, 2009 at 7:56 PM · Report

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