This Week in the Mercury
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Let's Talk About... Cleaning Out The 2009 Toilet: Brad Paisley
Posted by Andrew R Tonry on Tue, Jan 5, 2010 at 1:20 PM
- Airbrush much?
Before we move on to the future, or even the present, there's something I've got to do.
Around Christmas time, I wrote about Brad Paisley's horrible music cracking a few year end lists. A comment came in that blew my mind. The most offensive portion:
I'm as much of a hipster as you are, believe me ... my top 5 of the year includes Japandroids, The Very Best, Dino Jr, etc. But my top 10 also includes that Paisley record, which is as good as just about anything else released in 2009, and certainly not "vapid." I've heard every Portland band you guys cover, and many of them released great records this year. None, however, released one as good as "American Saturday Night."
Excuse me? Is your head full of rancid mayonnaise? I don't like lists much, but that was without a doubt the dumbest fucking comment posted on this blog during the entire year of 2009. Probably ever. Again:
I've heard every Portland band you guys cover, and many of them released great records this year. None, however, released one as good as "American Saturday Night."
Take that Nurses, who topped the paper's Best Album survey. Take that Hunches (whose Exit Dreams is still criminally under-heard). Take that Yacht, tUnE-YaRdS, and the rest of ya'—A guitar-wanking corporate country shill, who writes songs about Facebook is better than you. And, as the commenter would have you believe, Paisley's "American Saturday Night" is not at all "vapid," as I described it.
Now listen, I know the rule: respond to trolls and they win. And I've also tried—and gotten somewhat better at—respecting the differences between personal taste, even when I'm dumbfounded. But this post about Paisley was so asinine the only proper course, as I see it, is this semi-public lashing.
So around Christmas time I began thumbing through the album looking for lyrics and moments on "American Saturday Night" that could not be mistaken for anything but vapid. It wasn't hard. Just speeding through the songs gave me more than I could handle. As I was compiling notes, I got wind of Vic Chesnutt's passing, and had to switch gears. But the idiocy has stayed with me, and I had the notes. So might as well pass them on in their original, gonzo form (there's no point wasting any more time with it). Behold Brad Paisley, who is certifiably vapid. Random song lyrics, etc:
"now you're my whole life / now your my whole world / i just can't belive / the way i feel about you girl""i was on a video chat this mornin / with a company in tokyo"
guitar solo, then violin solo. that's new.
another solo for solo's sake... feeling?
"i went to see 'father of the bride' with a girl back home / we broke up before the sequel / so i went to that one all alone"
"and then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen / and he said you know what that means"
"You Do The Math"
"with seven billion people in this world / i can't believe you're still a single girl"
...
"it takes two to make love baby / i'm sure that / i'm one / you're one / you do the math""Catch all the fish"
i picked up the boys and we were on our way / it'd hadn't been 10 minutes before jimmy's cell phone rang / his old lady asked him how long we'd be on the lake / i said you tell her we're stayin' here however long it takes""Gonna catch all the fish / gonna drink all the beer
better warn 'em now / better make it clear
might take all day / might take all year
gonna catch all the fish / gonna drink all the beer"
Let's give "Catch All The Fish" a listen, shall we?
In short: Being recognized for having the Best Album in New Country is like calling McDonald's healthy for serving salad.
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Anyway, to make it very clear: I wasn't joking, nor was I trying to get your goat. I was dead serious when I made that statement, and I stand by it.
I listened to that Nurses album. Eh ... I found it boring. I heard the Tune-Yards record and thought it unlistenable. Yacht's OK, but nothing amazing. As for the Hunches ... I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you threw that one in as a joke.
If you're going to trot out some Portland releases, at least pick the good ones: Alela Diane, Portugal. The Man, Church, Horse Feathers, Richmond Fontaine. Did Derby make an album this year? I can't remember, but if they did, I'm sure it at least had tunes, unlike that stuff you mentioned.
And then there's The Decemberists. Just kidding ... they *did* make a lousy record.
But, again, I stand by what I said: As good as the Alela Diane / P.TM / Church records were, none of them stack up as equals with the Paisley album. I mean, of course you have to slag it ... you write for the "cool" alt-weekly in America's hippest town. But that doesn't mean it's not stuffed with well-crafted, clever, hooky songs that are expertly played and led by one of the shit-hottest guitar players alive.
Do the guy's lyrics get a little hokey here and there? Sure. But at least I remember them. And I remember the melodies. That's more than I can say for Nurses or Tune-Yards. Seriously.
Again, I don't expect you to bend on this. You really can't. Not with this much time and effort invested in your image. But you're dead wrong, as you often are here on End Hits.
Still, I enjoyed the "semi-pubic lashing." You really showed me. I suspect it doesn't sting as bad as you think.
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http://www.nashvillescene.com/2010-01-07/n…
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His list is below. I skimmed 1 through 44 and didn't see Nurses, Tune-Yards, Yacht, or any other Portland band, though I could've missed one. (Although ... is Music Go Music a Portland band? I can't remember. And Pissed Jeans - is that the "Jeans" band you endlessly blog about? Or is that Mean Jeans?)
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/archiv…
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This very simply sums up why Tonry's writing is not to be taken seriously. He seems to be saying that anyone who disagrees with his opinions, wrong as they often are, is nothing but an internet "troll". So, basically, he can write whatever bullshit he wants without ever worrying about being called out on it, or engaging in any two-way dialogue with his readers. Very convenient. What's the point of even having a comment section? So non-trolls can write ass-licking comments agreeing with everything you say?
I may be wrong here, but I'd guess that no one will be listening to, let alone even remember, the Nurses 5 years from now, but Brad Paisley will still have plenty of fans.
But they're the wrong kind of white people, aren't they?
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Indeed, I think we all have an idea of what a "troll" is on the internet. Someone who makes inflammatory comments simply to stir up shit. Someone who doesn't put much thought into what they'd writing.
I hardly think my previous comments on this thread (and the other thread that prompted this thread) qualify me as a troll. I thought about them all, I meant them all, and I meant them as genuine conversation about music. They're not troll-ish. I'm sorry to see how Tonry reacted to them.
Jake nails it: Tonry calls me a troll. What he really means is I disagree with him, so my opinion is worthless.
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Yeah, I thought your post was good, and an attempt to create some conversation about the original posting.
Which is why I chimed in.
I guess there's no point though, is there?
And, I'm no fan of Brad Paisley or Nurses, for that matter. But I can appreciate them for what they are.
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For the record, I have heard "American Saturday Night" in its entirety and I do not like it. Then again, I dislike the Tuneyards record as well.
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For whatever it's worth -- which isn't that much, I suppose -- here's what Wikipedia has to say:
"In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."
I've done nothing of the sort ... not inflammatory, not extraneous, not off-topic, not meant to disrupt normal discussion. Tonry seems to have had an emotional response, but that's his doing, not mine.
I do wish he'd come on back and tell us more about why so many critics have misjudged "American Saturday Night," and back it up with something more than a few lines from the album taken out of musical and lyrical context. But I suspect he won't. It's easier to fling shitbombs and then disappear than to stick around and deal with what comes back at you. He even foreshadows this move by saying "there's no point wasting any more time" on the topic. That's pretty smart thinking when you know you're in over your head, and I can give credit where credit is due.
Heck, if anything, he's the one doing the trolling, eh? With the "cleaning out the toilet" and the "head full of rancid mayonnaise" and, most of all, declaring my original comment "the dumbest fucking comment posted on this blog ... probably ever."
Yeah ... I'm the troll.
Anyway, thanks again, Ezra. And Tonry, if you want to dish out more "semi-public lashing" for me, come on back, OK? I'm ready for it.
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