This Week in the Mercury

Getting Decked

News

Getting Decked

The Morrison Bridge's New Surface Is Beyond Repair


My Little Brony

Film

My Little Brony

A Brony Tale: Friendship Is Creepy



Friday, May 14, 2010

The Mystery of the Band That (Allegedly) Dumped Garbage Outside of the Doug Fir

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Fri, May 14, 2010 at 1:03 PM

band_trash.jpg
  • Matt

Quick, call Encyclopedia Brown, there's a mystery afoot! Merc reader Matt wrote us about a band that (allegedly) disrespected East Burnside:

...I work near the Doug Fir and when I came in Thursday morning there was a gray tour vechicle (had a semi truck looking front with a boxy living area and a matching trailer, had some rental logo on the back that I can't remember) not uncommon at all but after they left there was a pile of fucking trash just left on the street. Less than a block away from the dumpsters of the Doug Fir on Ankeny. I've attached the picture and have requested friends with them on myspace so as to post this in their comments section. Maybe I am taking this too seriously but fuck their lazy litter bug asses. The main suspects are Annuals, The Most Serene Republic and What Laura Says as they played the night before at the Doug Fir. Seriously fuck those guys.

The "facts":
Our prime suspects—Annuals, the Most Serene Republic and What Laura Says—are all from various locales, none have any songs that explicitly boast of littering, and none have previous convictions for this crime on the books (unlike Arlo Guthrie).

Suspect #1: the Most Serene Republic
Right off the bat, we should eliminate Most Serene Republic as suspects, since they are Canadian. Our friends to the north would never do this.

Suspect #2: What Laura Says
WLS are from Arizona, which hates Hispanics, but really hates littering (I don't want to know what happens to Mexican nationals who litter). Take it away Arizona law: "If destructive material near public area, misdemeanor with not more than $2,500 fine. For all others, misdemeanor with not more than $750 fine." That blanket-looking thing seems "destructive" and that is a big fine for such a small band to risk. I think they are innocent.

Suspect #3: Annuals
Annuals are from North Carolina—the dirtier of the two Carolinas—where littering is merely a Class 3 misdemeanor with a $250 fine.

The Verdict in the Illogical Court of the Internet:
Annuals, you are guilty. Clean up your shit.

Case closed. Nice work, gumshoes.

Comments (11)

Showing 1-11 of 11

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-11 of 11

Comments are closed.

Tip for End Hits?
Email them here.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy