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Thursday, October 21, 2010

I Hate You! Who Are You Calling Mild Mannered? A Surprisingly Violent I, Anonymous From A Belle & Sebastian Fan

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Thu, Oct 21, 2010 at 3:48 PM

You may think of the average Belle & Sebastian concertgoer as a weak, pale, non-confrontational sap, but you might be surprised at the things going on in their head:

The tire iron connects with the side of your bearded, jock-head. Then a quick, crushing kidney rupture completes the Tire Iron Justice. I then turn my attention to your shrill, yapping girlfriend. I kneecap her first. Then I pull out the bleach and while pouring it in her eyes, she keeps shutting them so I pull out a razor blade and slice her eyelids off. She can’t shut her eyes now. He starts to get up. I take the tire iron and make sure not to kill him. Just cripple him for life. Make his brain a little bit more retarded then it already was. She screams through the blood and the bleach, “Why are you doing this to us?” Why? Because you decided to talk loudly behind us at the Belle and Sebastian concert at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. Do you even like Belle and Sebastian? We do. We drove all the way to L.A. to watch them perform at The Hollywood Bowl in 2006. They haven’t played here in four years. Do you understand what “gentle” music is? We purposely paid extra for good seats. Do you think it was a good idea to talk through “Lord Anthony”? “Fox in the Snow”? We politely asked you to be quiet once. You thought this was funny and you both kept on talking. I pull out my box cutter and remove your tongues. You’re not talking now. Your mouth can just bleed-distort. I’m in a good mood so I don’t remove your eyes. Jeez. You actually talked through “(I Believe In) Travellin' Light."

It's always the quiet ones you have to worry about. Got a secret? Tell it.

 

Comments (2) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
yuck.
Posted by Nathanisariot on October 21, 2010 at 3:55 PM · Report
2
Can't wait to slice-n-dice some suckaz at the She & Him show tomorrow! ;)
Posted by Ethan Jayne on October 21, 2010 at 5:36 PM · Report

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