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Since we all know I'm no good at this "sports reporting" business, I'm presenting my coverage of the World Series, game two, the only way I know how—from a damn sissy music reportin' angle. Texas Rangers vs. San Francisco Giants . Play ball(?)!
I landed in California a little shaken up. The dinky 80-seater plane I flew down in hit such gnarly turbulence so consistently that I didn't even get so much as a bathroom break or a bag of peanuts. I sat and flopped along with the harsh bumps complacently—reading comics and listening to Dinosaur Jr—until I realized what a pathetic way to die this would be. I held it all in though—switching the soundtrack to Pentagram, my upper lip stiffened, ready to face death/Satan. Luckily, the plane eventually landed without incident, and I headed down to AT&T Park.
My Giants sent Cliff Lee and his Rangers crying to the dugout early in game one, so I came in confident, expecting a pitcher's duel. However, I did have a little chip on my shoulder. It had nothing to do with the game, and everything to do with who was singing "Star Spangled Banner." You see, the lucky folks who attended the 11-7 romp that was Game One got to see John Legend sing the national anthem, with an added bonus of Tony Bennett—84 years young and still hittin' all the notes—singing "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" and "God Bless America." Game two? We got Lady Antebellum singing the anthem and some no-name, uniformed servicewoman singing GBA. Huh? Sounds like the fucking Texans' picks to me. Obviously, this gave a totally unfair musical advantage for Texas right off the bat—all I'm saying is San Francisco better go to Arlington and have Sly Stone singing the anthem and Jello Biafra singing "God Bless America," just to even that score.
Luckily, a lone hero was ready to step up to the plate and answer destiny's call. That man—Steve Perry. The former Journey frontman was in attendence, his visage gracing the jumbotron and pumping the crowd the fuck up during a singalong to "Lights." Perry—so obviously the catalyst for the Giants' success—shrugged, fist pumped and woo-hooed his way through the number. Of course, it's no secret that behind every great team, there's a great rock star—let us not forget the time Boston, the band, single-handedly lifted Boston, the Red Sox, to a World Series title in 2004. Yes, that really happened.
*The only time the sellout crowd sang together more than to Journey—that damn "Zombie Nation" communal chant. I swear I counted at least seven of those.
*People got pretty pumped and "Woooah-Oh'ed" along to "Living on a Prayer" as well.
*Chewbacca was there! Despite being fully decked out in Wookie-wear, homie didn't dance hard enough to get on the jumbotron once. FAIL.
*A baseball game was also played. The Giants won, 9-0.
Join us next week for another edition of Music Wusses In Sports—our own Ezra Ace Caraeff makes an emo mixtape for the Blazers' Greg Oden.