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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The End Hits Burrito Bet [Or, Because I Was Unable to Eat Four Burritos, I Now Must Attend a Papa Roach (or Worse) Concert]

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 9:00 AM

My pile of (delicious) failure.
  • My pile of (delicious) failure.

At SXSW, I got drunk. I know, shocking news, right? During my midday inebriation, Rob Simonsen (friend to End Hits) and I got to talking about competitive eating (see the drunk part) and how incredible burritos are (see the drunk part, again). Filled to the brim with Sparks (shameful, I know), I boasted that I could "easily eat six burritos" in one sitting. Sensing an opportunity to take advantage of a drunk man, Rob proposed a concert challenge: If I can eat six La Bonita burritos in 90 minutes, he would go to any concert of my choosing. If I failed, he'd pick a show for me to attend.

Upon sobering up, we quickly realized that I would die (FACT!) if I crammed a half dozen burritos into my body. So, for the sake of my poor wife, we edited the bet down to four burritos in an hour span. Last night I took this bet, and I lost. I plowed through 2.75 burritos, before ultimately giving in.

Now here's the good part. Rob will let you decide my fate. My concert options are listed below and the poll will be open until 5pm tomorrow. Whatever you vote for, I will attend.

 

Comments (14) RSS

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1
For helpful purposes:

Papa Roach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHbNU9WuVgw
Cody Simpson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i287hxbZ8-k
Candyrat Guitar Night: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XYvUDeCx1Q
Kenny Chesney: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JliFxkDcUlE
The Moody Blues: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9muzyOd4Lh8

So the question we must ask ourselves is, "What show is Ezra most likely to be physically assaulted at?"

Ezra will not be assaulted at the Moody Blues, so that's out. He might be arrested at the Cody Simpson show, but not actually beat up. That Candyrat thing is a bunch of acoustic guitars and shoe-gazing; no violence will occur. So it's down to Papa Roach or Kenny Chesney. Drunk hillbillies or methed-out white-trash?

I think it's the methedout white-trash, but it could go either way really. But really, make Ezra go see Papa Roach.
Posted by Graham on April 26, 2011 at 9:38 AM · Report
2
"Ezra will not be assaulted at the Moody Blues." Is that a challenge? If I set a goal, I can achieve it. (Unless that goal involves eating burritos.)
Posted by ezra on April 26, 2011 at 9:45 AM · Report
3
As a child of the rural southwest, modern top-40 country is my own personal hell. So Kenny Chesney it is.
Posted by theterminizer on April 26, 2011 at 9:47 AM · Report
4
Most importantly, WHERE are those burritos from?
Posted by mormona on April 26, 2011 at 11:10 AM · Report
5
C'mon you guys, Chesney is too predictable, and I highly doubt the crowd is rowdy enough.
Posted by D on April 26, 2011 at 11:16 AM · Report
6
I kind of like the Moody Blues. There. I said it.
Posted by kiala on April 26, 2011 at 11:17 AM · Report
7
Just out of curiosity, what kind of burritos where they?
Posted by mahimbi on April 26, 2011 at 11:34 AM · Report
8
I'll go to the Chesney concert with you. Wrangler butts drive me nuts.
Posted by Nick "muggins" Olmstead on April 26, 2011 at 12:05 PM · Report
9
@mahimbi
Black bean and cheese.
Posted by ezra on April 26, 2011 at 12:14 PM · Report
10
VOTE CODY SIMPSON! HE MAKES JUSTIN BIEBER LOOK LIKE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN! (Caps off now.)
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on April 26, 2011 at 1:40 PM · Report
11
Folks, I know Ezra pretty well. Please, please vote Chesney. Uncle Kracker is opening! Voting for anything else is like giving him a sundae and a fluffy dog to pet.
Posted by Ned on April 26, 2011 at 3:55 PM · Report
12
seriously. chesney. easily the most painful.
Posted by Rick Warren on April 26, 2011 at 8:35 PM · Report
13
hanging chad! I clicked on chesney and it clicked on Papa Roach.. NOOOO!!!
Posted by pinehurstkid on April 27, 2011 at 11:21 AM · Report
14
I voted before I watched the videos and now I wish I voted for Papa Roach. That is some seriously lame ass shit and further proof that only complete tools get neck tattoos. HOWEVER, the bad cologne and seriously outdated fashion sense of pop country music fans is sure to guarantee a bad time.
Posted by Beer Batter on April 27, 2011 at 12:10 PM · Report

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