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Friday, May 20, 2011

The World is Ending. What Are You Listening To?

Posted by Raquel Nasser on Fri, May 20, 2011 at 4:26 PM

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Hey dudes, guess what? The world is ending tomorrow. What's that? You don't buy it? Well, certainly you'll understand after digesting this extremely fucking arbitrary very advanced equation calculated by one fake prophet, Harold Camping. Allow me to share with you this page I ripped from the back of my Word Problems For The Second Coming workbook;

Harold Camping has warned that the Rapture would come on May 21st 2011 for years, and end nears, many are left questioning if his Prophecy is fake. The Bible has taught Christians to always be ready for the Second Coming of Jesus at any time, sparking Judgement Day predictions throughout history. Even Harold Camping had a previous prediction of the Return of Jesus for the Rapture that was incorrect due to a mathematical error — when his September 1994 date came and went without incident. What makes him so sure that this year, this date of May 21 2011, will in fact be the date of the Rapture?

1. The number 5 equals “atonement”, the number 10 equals “completeness”, and the number 17 equals “heaven”.
2. Christ hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year), the result is 722,449.
4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
5. 51 + 722,449 = 722,500.
6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

Thus, Camping concludes that 5 × 10 × 17 is telling us a “story from the time Christ made payment for our sins until we’re completely saved.”

Phew. Now that that's cleared up, it seems the ultimate question is: what's on your Judgment Day playlist? Will you be rapping your way through The Rapture (perhaps with this Life Row Records hip hop artist on blast)? Play nothing but R.E.M? (Yes, you know the song I'm referring to—you've already accidentally hummed it to yourself at least once today, haven't you?) Or, will you just stand with your arms crossed and listen for the sounds of sirens and fiery demise?

For me—and I say this sans irony—I'll probably listen to Bill Callahan's Apocalypse for most of the day, beginning with this song on repeat...


Bill Callahan- "Free's"

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