See our complete guide to New Year's Eve.

URAL THOMAS AND HIS BAND

(Radio Room, 1101 NE Alberta) Of all the local legends that you need to know, Ural Thomas is at the very tip-top of that list. Coming up in the fertile Seattle soul scene of the '60s, Thomas has shared bills with James Brown, Stevie Wonder, and Otis Redding, and he's been doing informal shows out of his own house—which he built, and rebuilt, himself—right here in Portland for 40 years. The man is the real deal from the heyday of '60s soul and '70s funk, and he's still holding it down. Catching his New Year's Eve set at the Radio Room will be the most surefire way to kick off 2012 with legitimate, down-home funk. NL

ADDISON GROOVE, STARSLINGER, SEPALCURE, MACHINEDRUM, TYLER TASTEMAKER, NATASHA KMETO, & MORE

(Rotture, 315 SE 3rd) It's tough to single out just a few highlights of the NYE showcase that's taking up both floors at Rotture and Branx. The dub-heavy lineup includes Machinedrum (Travis Stewart) and Sepalcure, Stewart's collaboration with Praveen Sharma. Both projects are washed in the deep, underwater echoes of dub. While Machinedrum zeroes in on manic, skittering beats you'd expect out of a Planet Mu artist, Sepalcure leans more toward a sexy, pent-up version of the UK funky vibe associated with their label, Hotflush Recordings. Support from locals like Natasha Kmeto and Brownbear show that Portland's talent for innovative electronic music is right on par with the international headliners. And speaking of headliners, Addison Groove has this one track called "This Is It" that is exactly the kind of energetic, booty-shakin' thing you'd want to hear at the most epic moment of the most epic party night of the year. AVA HEGEDUS

RED FANG, RABBITS, LORD DYING

(Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) For a band whose recordings were few and far between up until the release of their debut full-length, Lower Forms, on Relapse in 2011, it's great to see Rabbits already wielding a new 7-inch just in time for the New Year. The crust-hardcore-punk-metal-stoner-whatever band has also given it a title that is itself a thing of magnificence: "Riff Fuck Reap." The A-side contains all the face-melty riffage and berserkoid screaming we've come to expect from the Portland trio, while the B-side has three quick, over-in-a-flash covers of songs by Cro-Mags, Rudimentary Peni, and hometown heroes Poison Idea. It's like a mini-history lesson on how one of Portland's most enjoyably brutal bands got to sound so awesomely fucked. Local label Powerblaster Records is releasing the 7-inch at tonight's New Year's Eve blowout with Red Fang and Lord Dying, which also doubles as Sizzle Pie's one-year anniversary. NL Also see our complete guide to New Year's Eve.

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GIRL TROUBLE: DJ NEW MOON PONCHO, DJ LINOLEUM, DJ CUICA, DJ WOMB SERVICE, DJ TROUBLED YOUTH, DJ DOUG FERIOUS

(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Holocene has assembled a crack team of lady DJs to make your feet do a happy dance at the Girl Trouble dance night. Join DJs New Moon Poncho, Linoleum, Womb Service, and more for a night of sweaty, grooving, boob-having fun. Remember to hydrate, gals, 'cause you're going to dance all those dudes under the table. COURTNEY FERGUSON

THE LOWER 48, FUTURE HISTORIANS, GREAT WILDERNESS

(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Choosing to omit Alaska and Hawaii from their band name, the Lower 48 is a burgeoning folk band that's bound to draw showgoers in close and tight. Hailing originally from Minnesota, they've carved out a formidable home in our fair city, and have hit the ground running. Their excellent debut full-length, Where All Maps End, was released this month with the help of a summer Kickstarter campaign, and is one for lounging near your closest heat source (an electric stove with fanned silk flames will do). As various stringed instruments make their strummed entrance, Ben Praden and Sarah Parson seize the vocals (often simultaneously, always beautifully), while songs like "Come Awake" and "I'm on My Way (Almost)" roll in as standout numbers, swelling to levels of contagious exuberance, kept in time by a rhythm section that follows along with that mighty metronome in our chests. RAQUEL NASSER

DUO DENIM, REVA DEVITO, LUCK-ONE

(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Duo Denim, the instrumental collaboration of Ben Darwish on keyboards and Drew Shoals on drums, is celebrating the release of their debut EP Heat Rocks (Vol. 1) tonight, featuring their unique amalgamation of jazz, hiphop, and indie rock. Their distinct sound is the type that sends music scribes scrambling for their thesauri; think Nice Nice meets the Roots, technically proficient enough to impress music-theory snobs while grounded in a head-nod street aesthetic, evidenced in tracks like "Purple Drank," "Don't Say Namaste," and "Spud Webb." Add the sultry soul of Reva DeVito and the profoundly punishing hiphop of Luck-One, arguably the best emcee in the region right now, and you've got yourself an evening of fire in your face. RYAN FEIGH

DUOVER, MIKE COYKENDALL, HIGHWAY

(Kelly's Olympian, 426 SW Washington) So, did you have the most festive, happy, gift-laden holiday of all time? Yeah, me neither. Good news, though: I was finally able—after years of half-hearted searching—to find the perfect soundtrack for a secular day off. Duover's second album, Christmas Volume 1, is, like many Christmas albums, very pretty. But unlike most of them, it confronts the more realistic aspects of December 25: feeling super lonely, never-ending football games, fruitcake, and skeezy dudes who see mistletoe as a free pass to violate boundaries. Don't get me wrong—this album isn't a downer. Nathan Junior and Rebecca Rasmussen's lyrics are too witty, and their laidback pop is too charming, to cause a relapse of holiday blues. The best part? There are no secret religious messages. Mike Coykendall and Highway will help to further mitigate the festivities with their respective brands of psychedelic country music. REBECCA WILSON

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OH DARLING, WE ARE NOT SHADOWS, ADVENTURE GALLERY

(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) If you are one of the few people left who still admits to watching TV, then you've heard Oh Darling. Their music pushes the sunniest of pop music boundaries and floods the brain with feather-light hooks and pleasant endorphins—a heady cocktail that pairs perfectly with prime time. The quartet's roots may run deep in Portland, but they've lived in LA for going on three years, long enough for the sunshine to permeate every last chord progression on this year's Brave the Sound. The record is almost as adorable as frontwoman Jasmine Ash, whose ethereal vocals are centered on the happier facets of being in love. Synth pop locals We Are Not Shadows will make their live debut with a more ambivalent take on life, one firmly rooted in the 1980s and the fine films of John Hughes. REBECCA WILSON

A PORTLAND BIKE ENSEMBLE, TUNNELS, SUNKEN COLONY, MSHR

(Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th) People have, from time to time, felt the need to play their bicycle as a musical instrument—to celebrate that tiny orchestra we ride on every day. That's why A Portland Bike Ensemble has always stressed that they are A Portland Bike Ensemble, not The Portland Bike Ensemble. Get creaky! SUZETTE SMITH

WOODY ALLEN AND HIS NEW ORLEANS JAZZ BAND

(Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway) Woody Allen's best movies, in order, are as follows: 1) Annie Hall. 2) Crimes and Misdemeanors. 3) Sleeper. 4) Manhattan. 5) Hannah and Her Sisters. Woody Allen's worst movies, in order, are as follows: 1) Anything Else. 2) You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger. 3) Hollywood Ending. 4) The Curse of the Jade Scorpion. 5) Small Time Crooks. His latest, Midnight in Paris, dug him out of a serious rut, resulting in the most fun any of his movies have been since 1994's Bullets over Broadway. His more experimental films remain strangely fascinating, the most overdue for reappraisal being: 1) Stardust Memories. 2) Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). 3) Zelig. 4) Husbands and Wives. 5) Deconstructing Harry. What does all this have to do with the fact that the aging filmmaker is playing clarinet with his Dixieland jazz band in town tonight? Almost nothing, except that if you're shelling out the big bucks for a ticket, you're probably well aware that he's a far more interesting filmmaker than musician, and you've probably got your own top five list in each of those categories. NED LANNAMANN Also see My, What a Busy Week!

BLACK COBRA, DOG SHREDDER, NORSKA

(Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) Let's get heavy, let's get dark, and let's motherfucking ROCK with Bay Area metal gods Black Cobra. Like a jackhammer to your skull, Black Cobra will assault you with sweet bombastic metal, wringing every last ounce of Christmas cheer from your system—with help from the equally heavy Norska, and Dog Shredder. Wait... Dog Shredder?? WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

There are math-rock bands, and there is Dog Shredder from Bellingham. Their frantic and chaotic prog rampage would be better described as rocket-scientist rock. Halfway through every Dog Shedder song is an intense noise-rock freakout that is probably played different every time. And it all changes when they suddenly, simultaneously stop on a dime and turn the song inside out into some other tornado of off-timed riff. By the end of each blazing tune you'll find yourself wondering how you got there, and why you haven't blinked or taken a breath for a while. Plus, you haven't lived until you see this power trio of frothing, sweaty, orgasm-faced maniacs play a spot-on cover of Yes' "Heart of the Sunrise." ARIS WALES

ON THE STAIRS, JENN RAWLING

(Al's Den, 303 SW 12th) The weeklong residencies at Al's Den—the basement venue (and former sex dungeon!) underneath McMenamins' new Crystal Hotel—have offered unique shows from some of Portland's best musicians, all for the very reasonable price of free. This week, folk-soul outfit On the Stairs heads up a string of shows and special guests. The project of singer/guitarist Nate Clark, On the Stairs capably offers a unique take on standard songwriter fare by expertly injecting soulful grit and country blues. And he's got some friends in tow, including tonight's guest Jenn Rawling, and appearances by Leonard Mynx, St. Even, the Tumblers, Ed Thanhouser (whose band the Red Reds is set to release their great new Lost Leader record in the first weeks of 2012), and plenty more later in the week. NED LANNAMANN

TUNNELS, MORI, JEF DRAWBAUGH

(Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny) Nick Bindeman has had his grubby little paws in all kinds of projects, most notably Eternal Tapestry and Jackie-O Motherfucker. Tunnels is the Portland space cadet's one-man show, a sparer psych vehicle, where Bindeman builds off pulsing bass lines. The Blackout—his latest under the Tunnels moniker—takes a short sidestep out of the shadows, revealing some sharp hooks in those layers of sound. Think of it as a sonic appetizer to his more substantial work in Jackie-O and Eternal Tapestry. And in 2011, Tunnels has (d)evolved from that slightly creepy, weird dude in high school to a more confident, playful version of his former self. How you take this all depends on which end of the food chain you fall on. MARK LORE

HEART AND SOUL XMAS: DJ COOKY PARKER

(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Don't assume there's nothing going on just because it's Christmas! On the contrary, DJ Cooky Parker will be working hard on the decks playing all the R&B and soul jams you'll need to dance off all that fruitcake and eggnog. Don't let him spend Christmas alone! MARJORIE SKINNER

BLOW PONY: DJ AIRICK, DJ JUST DAVE, DJ STORMY ROXX, DJ KID AMIGO, DJ TACO TUESDAY, DJ LINOLEUM

(Rotture, 315 SE 3rd) Don't sit around on Christmas Eve with the milk and cookies—a large, jovially dressed man is far more likely to "come down your chimney" if you're shaking it at the O Holy Night edition of always hot-and-heavy queer dance night Blow Pony. And with that sexy Prancer costume, the event may finally live up to its name. SARAH MIRK

NEIL DIAMOND TRIBUTE

(Tony Starlight's, 3728 NE Sandy) Tony Starlight's Neil Diamond tribute is fabulous. With one wig, a passel of balloons, heartlights, five costume changes, and the festive confines of Tony Starlight's Supperclub, you will cheerfully be singing along to "Cracklin' Rosie," "America," and "Song Sung Blue." So make it a Diamond Christmas. COURTNEY FERGUSON