Yes, you definitely should buy me everything in the wish list I put together in this week's issue. However, I forgot something very, very important. THIS:

That is all. Thank you.

They don't really let you see the goods in that video, but pictures and details are here.

Okay, sold. But there's more: McMenamins is also offering Neil Diamond themed drink specials all month in Ringlers Pub. I repeat: NEIL DIAMOND THEMED DRINK SPECIALS. Yes, they will have Red Red Wine. Yes, they will have Cracklin' Rosie, which I think is also another kind of Red Wine. (Actually, Neil has a lot of songs about wine. Off the top of my head, there's also "If You Know What I Mean" and "Free Life"—oh man, "Free Life" is great. It's all about Neil getting drunk and fooling around with a girl that he doesn't necessarily find that attractive. Sample lyric: "If she ain't no belle/hell/It's okay, I won't pay no mind/We'll just have us a time.") Also, I bet they will have Love on the Rocks. (Which is Scotch. Love is Scotch. Scotch on the Rocks.) Also, they're showing The Jazz Singer at the Mission on Wednesday, August 22, which is a really terrible movie. You can watch its best/worst/most racist scene here. Things get really ugly around the 2:12 mark.

[UPDATE: Literally minutes after I posted this, I opened a piece of completely unrelated snail mail from Tony Starlight, who has his own tribute to the 40th anniversary of Hot August Night planned. Details for his thing here. This is an awful lot of fuss over a four-decade-old live album. What's next, a 25-year golden jubilee for Billy Joel's Концерт?]

All this Diamondy news comes on the heels of this weekend's Mars rover landing, after which Neil tweeted this:

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So obviously my love for Carly Rae Jepsen and the ear-buggiest song of the summer "Call Me Maybe" is well documented. However, no one was more surprised than me to learn that Kidz Bop had covered it, and... okay, didn't entirely ruin it. I am now prepared to say that if Kidz Bop cannot ruin "Call Me Maybe," then this song is officially "UNFUCKWITHABLE."

Who wants to start an "Oldz Bop" group? Call me, maybe.

Marking his professional transition to full-time boozehound, we got this tip from former music editor-turned-bar owner Ezra Caraeff.

Need a little help with what you're drinking? Try Drinkify, which pairs music with a beverage. Punch in what you're listening to, and the handy database comes up with the ideal pairing.

A few kinks*, though: There's a "turn music off" switch, but I don't hear any music playing to begin with. And some of the drink choices are a little, uh, strange. Punching in "Thin Lizzy" doesn't result in either Irish whiskey or stout, which is totally wrong; instead, Drinkify suggest a disgusting-sounding concoction of rum, elderberry liquor, and tomato juice. "Culture Club" results in a suggestion of one entire ounce of Red Bull (???). "Tom Waits" gives you a relatively mild suggestion of a whole bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. "Neil Young" results in red wine, garnished with a cucumber—weird. And "Frank Sinatra" results in a bottle of merlot, garnished with a maraschino cherry. Um, NO.

*Drinkify's suggestion for the Kinks? Four ounces of sloe gin. Seems about right.

Cinderella came here to kick ass and eat chili dogs, and looks like they are all out of chili... oh wait, no, there seems to be enough chili dogs to go around.

The hair metal band that single-handedly kept Aqua Net in business during the 1980s, Cinderella weren't too cool to turn down some commercial work on the side—that's what we in the industry call "chili money," you never walk away from that—including this incredible advertisement for Pat's Chilli Dogs. If you look close enough you'll notice that their drummer is playing air drums instead of using an actual kit, or a snare drum packed full of delicious chili.

I think someone needs to recreate this ad for Zach's Shack.

End Hits: Pat's Dogs! The cook is never tired!

Pickathon ain't got shit on Dickie Thon. That is all.

When not particular about what you want to listen listen to, switching on the ol' random switch can spit out an occasional "reading my mind/just what I wanted to hear" moment. I didn't really want to listen to nothing, but I honestly didn't care what was chosen for me. But it struck me when a sequence of songs I like a lot happened to play right next to each other, like they were meant to be together: The Buzzcocks "I Don't Mind" before, no kidding, Tame Impala's "I Don't Really Mind." How did I feel about? I didn't mind one bit!

Happy Valentine's Day to all the single ladies and gentlemen of Portland.

In anticipation of this, it's been brought to my attention how much of a weak link Anthrax is on that tour.

No one likes Anthrax*.

* Notable exceptions: Scott Ian's parents. Chuck D. Kelly Bundy.

• "Tell that to the judge, baby raper."

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad, known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories... with John Darnielle!

Few causes get our endorsement like this seemingly random attempt to cast Mountain Goats frontman John Darnielle in an episode of Law and Order: SVU. Sure, why not? If Justin Bieber got on CSI, then Darnielle—the Justin Bieber for literate adults—can just as easily find a role on one of the dozen Law and Order programs.

Here's the campaign's mission statement:

Facebook got Betty White on SNL, and that's a start, but we are now tasked with a much more important mission. John Darnielle has stated repeatedly that he would like to appear on NBC's hit police procedural Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit. Who better than his legion of fans to rally and make this a reality? We love John and his band. We love lines like, "Tell that to the judge, baby raper." The two would almost certainly go together like hyperliterate peanut butter and semen-spattered jelly.

Perhaps he can even sing a catchy little number with Detective Fin Tutuola, AKA Ice-T. Hopefully it will turn out better than Ice-T's last rock and roll duet.