Consider this the Multiplicity of music videos. What starts with just another night of watching Watch Dancing With the Stars, turns into the oddest band practice ever (times four), a session of drawing straws, and a traumatic incident with a rubber glove. Make that a very traumatic incident.

Matthew Ross directed this video for "Cuffs Off," which is the first single from Ghosties' new four song EP. Which you can buy right here, because looks like someone needs some new rubber gloves. Ewwwwwww.

Evidently today is Portland-bands-that-are-big-in-Britain video day! Perhaps we'll have a new Gossip video next.

The Cribs video for Ignore The Ignorant's "We Share The Same Skies" is quite simple, pasted together with a green screen and without color. Hate to drop such a momentous spoiler alert, but the band is actually not performing atop that majestic mountaintop. Also, Axl didn't really die at the end of "November Rain." Sorry.

My biggest concern on the seemingly overnight ascent of Hockey is how this band will follow up their evolution from basement act to UK—if not global—pop darlings. Judging by "Learn To Lose," their new UK single and seven-inch, Hockey will be more than fine.

Equally as infectious as the finest moments of Mind Chaos, the single benefits greatly from a loose instrumental backing, well-placed female vocals, and the carefree delivery of frontman Benjamin Grubin. The song is great, but I think his hat is worse than the headbands. What does this band have against hair?

I've heard a lot of bitching and moaning about Bob Dylan's upcoming Christmas album. My response has unfailingly been, "Shut up, Bob Dylan can do whatever he wants. If he wants to fart into a microphone and talk about Jesus I will buy it."

Well... there is a video up on Dylan's site for the song "Must Be Santa" and now I am the one shutting up. I encourage you all to watch it and we'll laugh, cry and scratch our heads together. It's not embeddable, but it's well worth the mouse-click:
WHO HAS A BEARD THAT'S LONG AND WHITE?

(Bonus: can someone explain to me the sub-plot of the guy who's running around throwing glasses at people and threatening guests with a fire-poker? What's his deal?)

Seriously, how funny is "Weird" Al Yankovic in this (surprisingly educational) video? I wish we were related. It sure would make me look forward to the holidays a bit more.

"Our next guests are an acclaimed rock and roll band from England..."

WRONG. Sorry Dave, but The Cribs are just as much from Portland as they are Wakefield, West Yorkshire. But other than that, the band sounded great performing "We Share the Same Skies" on national television. Since the band is such huge fans of Glitter, I wonder if the band got to talk to the show's other guest, Mariah Carey.

I see a fabulous collaboration in their future...

11:09 AM Update:
The band just announced a Portland show at the Wonder Ballroom on January 29th. That is all.

Aw, how sweet, the Cribs let their father play guitar with them during Sunday's packed Jackpot Records instore.

Let me check my notes here really quick... oh, that's Johnny Marr, not their father. Oops. I thought Alela Diane opened to the door to dads being allowed on stage, and it was the cool new thing to do. My bad.

In their lone Portland performance of the year—I like the people lined up on Burnside to watch through the window—the band blazes through "City of Bugs," from their brand new Ignore The Ignorant recording.

Remember back when Wayne Coyne and crew filmed a little video in Portland? And people got naked? And park rangers were none too thrilled with the idea? And nobody knew what the hell the video would look like when it was done?

Well, the gestation period is over, and The Flaming Lips' "Watching the Planets" is here. The video, which debuted today on NME, includes... well, naked bicyclists and a large furry ball giving birth and... I still don't know what it's about. Before the shoot, Coyne explained the loose concept to BikePortland, hinting: “Maybe I’ll even get naked for the video, too. I don’t even know how it ends—maybe it ends with them all getting clothed and making me get naked and shoving me back into the giant fur egg."

Sounds about right. Watch it here. Needless to say it's NSFW.

You kids and your crazy rock 'n' roll music! I certainly don't understand it! However, I will admit that this Lady Gaga person can create some toe-tappin' tunes... for someone who wants to be Björk, but is cursed with the lyrical depth and talent of the Steve Miller Band. Damn you, Gaga! I don't want to care... and yet… I MUST.

The new video for "Bad Romance."

Weezer and Snuggies demystified, courtesy of Rivers Cuomo:
"Well, like Weezer, Snuggies are just this weird, cool product that everyone seems to like. They're really popular, and you can't really figure out why. So we figured it's a good match."

I'm not sure what's worse—the Weezer Snuggie, the Weezer/Snuggie analogy, or the name of their new record. Raditude? I'm depressed. They should spend less time on Snuggies and more time on making a comeback.

A week from today, a dark cloud will settle over Portland. Two of the worst bands on the planet—and I say this as a fan of some truly terrible music—will pull into town and soil our precious city on both sides of the river. Lock up your kids and loved ones, it's gonna be a rough night.

Brokencyde and Attack Attack! will both be playing separate shows in town on Monday the 17th. Brokencyde, the emo crunksters from "Albucrunky," will be at the Satyricon, while bible-thumping "crabcore" act Attack Attack! will be at the Hawthorne Theatre. Our dilemma is deciding which show to attend.

The argument for Attack Attack!:
An absolutely baffling trainwreck of screech-by-numbers screamo, alongside totally out-of-place piano solos, and techno beats. Plus, their "crabcore" stage moves resemble a sort of forceful tea bagging. If you can make it through this video, I should pay you money.

The argument for Brokencyde:
Rich little pricks that desecrate both hiphop and emo in a single song, which is oddly impressive when you think of it. Although, someone really should inform them that it's never cool for a bunch of white kids to drop the n-word. EVER. Toss in some horrendous misogyny ("Come on bitch, you know you want this"), and haircuts that practically invite my fist to their face, and you might have the worst musical act ever. If you can make it through this video, you are the greatest person on earth.

Done gouging out your eyes? Cool. So, which show should we attend? We're totally free that night, so we'll let you plan our evening.

= volcano!.

Pretty fucking radical song, "Africa Just Wants To Have Fun." Too bad this video is fucking terrible, a detriment to the song. I'd advise just letting the tunes play and scrolling on, or moving to another window. Seriously. Better yet, listen to it on volcano!'s MySpace page. "So Many Lemons" aint bad either.

Grab a bowl of candy corn leftover from Halloween and chow down as you watch this new video for Reporter's "Lab Test." The video was created by someone/something named Dickbird, along with this paper's esteemed art director, Scrappers, and was filmed inside the Lone Fir Cemetery. There is plenty of dancing throughout, from both (animated) skeletons and (not animated) human beings. If you look closely, I believe you can see the flaccid genitals dangling from one of the skeletons.

I can't believe I get paid money to type sentences like that. Hi, mom!

Since it seems all of Portland is still basking in the Halloween afterglow, Jookabox's latest video for "You Cried Me" seems appropriate. Plus, it's a great video. And a good song. The Indianapolis four-piece (formerly Grampall Jookabox) released its latest Dead Zone Boys today, an album supposedly steeped in zombie lore. Scary.

But not as frightening as Jookabox frontman David Adamson having the word "Moose" attached to his name. And definitely not as horrific as Metallica ham-fistedly plowing through a couple of Kinks classics with Ray Davies.

Woah. Stop what you are doing right this second and... okay, you can finish watching that video of the kitten falling into the garbage can. Done? Okay, good.

Now you must watch this excellent new Ramona Falls video for "I Say Fever." The first video from Brent Knopf's Menomena side project, and his debut Intuit recording, is a beautifully designed clip that features plenty of textured vintage artwork, odd-looking animals (bonus: with weapons!), and a slinky animation style that works perfectly with the song. It was directed by Stefan Nadelman, who previously worked with Knopf and Menomena on their "Evil Bee" video.

If this blog post had a YouTube star rating, I'd give it five stars, or "awesome."

Have I told you about the fantastic Sam Quinn? I have indeed. But dammit, once is not enough—the group from Knoxville is just that good. And they're perfect for these cold, dreary, darkened days. Enjoy.

Nowhere Boy is a film based on the life of John Lennon—I heard it ends well—focusing on his pre-Beatles days, and is based on the book, Imagine This: Growing Up With My Brother John Lennon. The film deals with Lennon's turbulent childhood years and his relationship with his mother. I wonder if those issues were ever resolved? Oh, guess not.

Of course, there is no shortage of Beatles flicks, and 1994's Backbeat already focused on the band's Hamburg days, albeit through the eyes of Stuart Sutcliffe (he's like a dead Pete Best!). Also, it's curious how Nowhere Boy features zero music from Lennon or the Beatles in the trailer. Granted, he wasn't exactly writing Sgt. Pepper as a teenager, but I can't imagine how poor this film will come across without their music in it. It's supposed to open over Christmas in the UK, no word on a domestic opening date.

We're all big fans of San Francisco rock act Girls around here, especially their Iggy-free single "Lust for Life." The original video was cute, but now the band has unleashed a super sexy NSFW version that could have been entered in our Hump contest. Personally, it's a little weird for me since I used to know—not in the biblcal sense—one of the girls in the video.

The song is (still) great, but the video is not recommended office viewing for anyone that doesn't work at either our offices. Unless you work at Hustler.

Link: MBV

The cute Potlatch Presents cooking series heads back into the kitchen with local alt-country act St. Frankie Lee, who whip up a batch of vegan Beef Stroganoff. Yes, such a thing exists!

The overly perky band—calm down, no need to applaud boiling water—clearly knows what they are doing in the kitchen, and the end result looks pretty tasty. Is 11am too early for me to eat lunch?

Not long after its debut at the Doug Fir awhile back, Weinland has finally released the lovely video for “I’m Sure It Helps.” Stuck in tree tops and avoiding the charge of a herd of surly, yet sensitive, buffalo, the band wraps up their video performance (filmed partially inside the Crystal Ballroom) in front of a nice comforting campfire.

Not seen here is the footage of the band slaughtering the buffalo and eating their delicious jerky. Weinland is like the Ted Nugent of Portland music. Their motto: "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang!"

Link: Tripwire

What did my family ever do to Yo La Tengo to make you to hate them so much?

It should go without saying that Yo La Tengo's collaboration with the Mr. Show cast produced the funniest music video ever—personally, I'm a big fan of the Rock School lesson, "Burning Out vs. Fading Away"—and the jokes still hold up over a decade after the release of the "Sugarcube" single and I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One. The band is playing the Crystal Ballroom tonight, and while they might not be as poetic as a reading of the lyrics to Rush's "Closer To The Heart," the band can still hold their own after all these years.

Spike Jonze's new video with Kanye West is a thousand years long in internet time—it clocks in at about 11 minutes—but it's definitely worth sticking with, and it's one more reason why Jonze is one of my favorite directors.

For those keeping track at home, this is Jonze's second video for West, the first being the gorgeous/creepy "Flashing Lights."

Even more shocking than the fact that someone gave Jimmy Fallon his own television show—not just on cable access—is that local band Hockey made an appearance on the NBC program last night. The band performed "Too Fake" and after they finished, Fallon regaled everyone with a hilarious story about the film Fever Pitch. Oh, you just had to be there.

Due to NBC's weird embedded video—or my personal e-tardedness—you have to fast forward to the Hockey performance. Unless you want to hear Fallon's interview with Ivanka Trump.

Trust me, you don't.

You all know the Ice Cream Man, right? He's the merry fellow that rolls into various music festivals and hands out free ice cream. While he never has any chipwichs, it's hard to have issue with a man that gives away ice cream for free.

Well, he also has a video channel where he posts various impromptu performances from his travels, including this Lollapalooza clip that features both Blind Pilot (playing "Two Towns") and the Builders and the Butchers (playing "Black Elevator") performing on a grassy hill.

After playing, both bands ate Flintstones push-up pops (the orange sherbet Barney Rubble flavor was the best) and played freeze tag.

We laughed our asses off and it wasn't the weed.

Sort of ironic that it took solid production to make something suck so hard. But it did. And it was worth it.

Tip of the hat to: Ned Bananaman