It’s been awhile since I last listened to Talk Talk, but dang if Mark Hollis and Co. aren’t all over the blogs today. First Shearwater went and covered “The Rainbow”, then Rivers Cuomo and his mustache Weezer announced they’ll be covering “Life Is What You Make It” on an upcoming single.

Well, I guess that means today is as good a day as any to bust out that dusty copy of It’s My Life and realize once again that the title track is so incredibly good not even No Doubt could ruin it.

There are no words to describe the awesomeness that is Levar Burton. Period.

This week in our continuing retrospective of the ’90s, we take a look at former New Kid on the Block JORDAN KNIGHT. And not only because the “new” New Kids have leaked their new slow jam single (listen to it here), but because it is in my very knowledgeable opinion Jordan got freaking robbed of his chance in the solo limelight because of two things: 1) Justin Timberlake, and 2) a white turtleneck sweater.

While Justin and Jordan are arguably equally handsome and excellent singers, the popularity of boy bands in the late ’90s made Jordan look like an old used up Grampy— Justin’s breakout solo career two years later only stuck the knife in deeper. HOWEVER! If you ask me, it was really the white turtleneck sweater that murdered Jordan’s shot at stardom.

Check out the following video for a great example how a white turtleneck sweater can put the kibosh on a potential solo career—in this case, 1999’s “Give it to You.”

BEST PART OF THE VIDEO: Very catchy Timbaland-style production, with fine singing, and alternately awesome/weird choreography. Cute nerd girl, too!

WORST PART OF THE VIDEO: Omigod, that white turtleneck sweater! Pair it with the overtly sexual lyrics, and you have one very horny grandpa!

People seem kind of down in the dumpy today, so let’s get some hot mess tranny fierceness going with Italian house production unit BLACK BOX and their 1990 cross-over dance hit, “EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY.”

Best part of the video: Hot mens sweatin’ it out to that insanely infectious groove!

Worst part of the video: So what if it’s a “Groove is in the Heart” ripoff? The lip-synching french model Katrine is the epitome of hot mess tranny ferocity! (Real vocals were provided by the gospelicious Martha Wash.) Anyway, put your hands together, get on the dance floor and say, “OWW!”

Things I learned from the above video:

1) High quality Jamaican marijuana is GOLD
2) Pot records are worth more than vinyl records
3) Records sometimes smell like pizza

(HT: Boing Boing)

Because I am possibly the biggest old-school Spice Girls fan in North America, I have used caution not to post too many Spice Girls songs in my continuing series, “Your Friend, the ’90s.” HOWEVER! Due to an alarming amount of ignorance about the Spice Girls around the Mercury offices (Intern Drew, I’m looking at YOU), I feel compelled to post the Girls’ squirmingly cute and disturbing single “2 Become 1.”

The best part of the video: The Spice Girls obviously entered a parallel dimension so they could co-exist safely in busy and super-fast downtown traffic. (Somehow a deer and a pair of lesbians made it, too.)

The worst part of the video: There’s WAY too much creepy stares/head cocking/scrunchy noses going on here, and Baby Spice’s condom invitation (“Be a little bit wiser baby/ Put it on, put it on”) makes me feel weird in my pants.

Other than that, like all other Spice Girls projects… it’s PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!

On today’s installment of Trends We Miss, we lament the phenomenon of rock bands titling themselves after a common place name. These generic, boring band names seem to have gone by the wayside in favor of nonsensical words like “Menomena” and “Spoon,” or clusters of familiar words that create new, puzzling phrases like “The Arcade Fire” or “The Radio Heads.”

O, for the days of lame, uninteresting bands names! You know what I’m talking about.

Chicago.
Boston.
Kansas.
Europe.
Asia.
Alabama.
Motherfuckin’ America, yo.

And there are so many untapped possibilities! Imagine if bands continued to do this. We could have bands with names like Albany! Or New Rochelle! Or Las Vegas! Or Darfur! Or Tropic of Capricorn! Or Beirut!…. well, scratch that last one.

(Seriously, though, can you believe a band actually had the audacity to call themselves Chicago? And wasn’t there a band called Oregon? Were they actually from Oregon? The balls. The fucking nerve.)

Were Quicksand proto-emo? Post-hardcore? Meh, who cares: these dudes rocked, and that is about it.

I have no reason for posting this video for “Fazer”, other than I listened to Slip yesterday and remembered how much I love that album. I didn’t discover the band until much later (hey, I was ten when Slip came out!), but I can tell you that even in 2001 they still pretty much owned everyone around.

Warning: Do NOT read the YouTube comments for this video. Watching anonymous people discuss the validity and definition of emo is enough to leave anyone (especially me) in the corner crying in the fetal position.

On Friday I showed you the new Gnarls Barkley video “Run” which featured Justin Timberlake as the host of a hiphop version of Soul Train. Well, upon further research it seems apparent that the “Run” video is a parody of the 1984 pilot for the TV show Graffiti Rock. Apparently it was only shown once in New York and few other markets—AND THAT IS A GODDAMN SHAME, because this show devoted to rap, breakdancing and graffiti is truly bizarre, frequently awkward and freaking brilliant. Check out the opening minutes of this show, and prepare to smile for the rest of the day!

Since it’s such a gorgeous day, let’s perk up the mood ’90s-style with this feel-good song about the importance of good dental health. Watch if you will Shanice’s 1991 hit, I Love Your Smile, and try not to be overcome with the goddamn cuteness of the whole affair.
The best part of this video: 1) Shanice is as cute as a freaking button. 2) I wish everyone still danced the way they do in these dance sequences. 3) When Shanice says “Psych!” you don’t want to punch her in the face. 4) And my favorite improvised line from this song, which I use on nearly a daily basis: “Blow, Branford, BLOW!”
The worst part of the video: 1) The photographer dude, and how he looks like a stalker, and that guy from C+C Music Factory. 2) The photographer dude taking still pictures of a dance routine. Get a video camera, idiot!

By the way, I love YOUR smile, too.

In this post Ezra mentions being thankful YouTube doesn’t have a play count feature. I am also thankful, because I really don’t want to know how many times I’ve watched the above clip for Teenage Fanclub’s “Everything Flows”.

This has long been my favorite Teenage Fanclub song (with a serious handful of runners-up, including “God Knows It’s True” and all of Bandwagonesque), and, as the start to 1990’s A Catholic Education, is easily one of the greatest opening tracks on any album ever.

I am a bit befuddled by the voice over at the beginning calling them “many people’s favourite new noise outfit” though, because noise and Teenage Fanclub are never words I use in the same sentence. I guess it makes a bit of sense though, because they ultimately destroy “Everything Flows” in the above clip. Like really destroy. And Jesus if that crowd isn’t eating up every bit of it.

Welcome again to “Your Friend, the ’90s”—your one-stop shop for the best of ’90s pop! And for all of the pop princesses that showed up in the late ’90s, one that never quite reached her popularity potential was Swedish sensation ROBYN. While popular (then and now) overseas, she hit it big in the states with two top ten hits in ‘97, and was opening for the Backstreet Boys—until she was diagnosed with exhaustion and shipped back to Sweden. Aaaaaand… that pretty much killed her career here. (Just think: if she’d pushed on through the exhaustion, she could’ve ended up just like Britney!)

Anyhoo, here’s my fave song of Robyn’s—a great R&B groover from 1996 entitled, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT TAKES.” She has a really amazing voice, and could’ve easily given Christina Aguilera a run for her money!

Today is a very special day for our continuing series, “Your Friend, the ’90s.” Not only is it Valentine’s day, but today we’re going to feature one of the most romantic ass-shakers ever constructed, as well as one of my top five songs from the ’90s.
It’s Q-Tip’s 1999 barn burner “VIVRANT THING,” and this is one of the only songs I NEVER skip over when it comes on my iPod. I love everything about it—the production, the flow, and even better? As Q-Tip says himself, “This is some heartfelt shit,” and one of the most surprisingly romantic songs to come from the decade. You could do worse than having a relationship as good as he describes. (Ignore the strippers in the video, and just listen to the words. Then watch it again for the strippers.)

Sometimes words just can’t express how you feel about your valentine. That’s why you should get soul giant ISAAC HAYES to sing your words for you!

Hop over to this site, type in the lyrics to your love song, hit the “sing” button, and ISAAC FREAKING HAYES will sing your song! Then you email it to your lover, or even better, SEND IT TO THEIR CELL! Omigod, you are going to score so much tail tonight!

Be patient with this, it’s worth it!

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day—which means you need to SHAPE UP today! And by “shape up” I mean you need to recognize the difference between romance and “sexual creepiness.” Example: “Romance” is when you express your innermost feelings to the person you love. “Sexual creepiness” is when… well, it’s best expressed in this 1998 video by NEXT, appropriately entitled, “TOO CLOSE.”

It tells the story of a trio of young men who get a bit too close to their dancing partners, and… well, they get erections. (Or as they call it, “a bolt.”) But you see, it’s not THEIR fault they have erections—it’s those damn girls! Women are just too damn sexy! (And these guys are sexy, too—in the creepiest sort of way.)

But it’s still a great song! And the way the girls in this video dance? I must admit I’m developing a little “bolt,” too. (These gals REALLY enjoy whipping off their shirts.)

After sufficiently spending the morning with pop masters Grant McLennan and Robert Forster, can someone please explain to me why The Go-Betweens were not, at one point, the biggest band on the face of the planet?

In terms of pure, perfect pop, nobody can touch this band, and this is coming from a gigantic Smiths fan (with whom they are often compared). Nearly every song in the entire Go-Betweens catalog could have easily topped the Billboard charts, yet somehow they never quite broke, taking the spot as one of the biggest and best cult bands of all time. Sadly, the band were trying to make a career out of this music thing, and when it became clear their poor sales weren’t going to turn around, they called it quits (they did, however, manage to reunite in the 2000’s with members of Sleater-Kinney, but that’s a whole different story).

Since it is currently clouding up outside, it seems fitting to share with you the video for “Spring Rain” from Liberty Belle and the Black Diamond Express, their “dark” opus from 1986.

Pop music, meet your master.

The perfect pop “hook” is one of the most elusive elements in songwriting, but when it works? Nothing works better. Take for example this sugar pop hit from 1998, Jennifer Paige’s “CRUSH.” Everything is vanilla enough until we get to the chorus, and then? The combo platter of sensuality and groove leap out of this song like a freight train.
Plus, it doesn’t hurt that Jennifer Paige is easy on the eyes. While she hasn’t done much since this one-hit wonder (not counting 2002’s “Stranded”), she has performed for the Pope—which is more than you can say.
The best part of this video (besides that perfect hook): The Melrose Place vibe and Jennifer’s luminescent dental work.
The worst part: I don’t know who I despise more—the douchebag with the hat that she’s dating, or the douchebag she has a “crush” on!

My love for the UK indiepop outfit Hefner knows no bounds. Their brand of self-destructive break-up songs, chock full of both witty, self-deprecating lyrics and heart-on-sleeve romantics, are brutal, sentimental, and funny as all hell.

Categorizing their sound is a bit tricky, but calling them a Jarvis Cocker-less Pulp fronted by an overtly-British Stephin Merritt isn’t too far off, with “British” being the key word in that last sentence. Hefner wear their nationality like a (one-inch) badge, and because of it never really made more than a minor ripple in the US (even though they topped the indie charts in the UK). For the casual listener something might be lost in translation, but for those Anglophiles caught up on everything from Television Personalities to The Wedding Present, this band was made for you.

Here, enjoy their best song, and one that has been stuck in my head for a couple of weeks now.

MP3:
Hefner: The Hymn For the Cigarette

Great, right? The album this song is from, The Fidelity Wars, is getting the double-disc reissue treatment this spring from Cargo Records. Info can be found here.

Continue after the jump for a couple of videos, both of which include synchronized dancing!

In this episode of “Your Friend, the ’90s” we take a look back at pseudo riot grrls VERUCA SALT (still love the name) and their 1994 hit, “Seether.” Named after that snotty rich girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt was formed by Chicago pals Louise Post and Nina Gordon who were originally introduced to each other by actress Lili Taylor. (Remember that one for trivia night.)

This song still holds up remarkably well, and is a surefire ponytail rocker for those road trips to the hot springs with your girlfriends. Best parts of the video? All of it—that is, if you like kittens and videos with that whole Reality Bites vibe. Most disturbing part? The very end where they just silently eat burritos. That creeps me the fuck out.

The year? 1995! And Adina Howard was getting the sexy party started with her one-hit wonder “Freak Like Me.” While the song is riddled with West Coast livin’/LBC cliches, it’s hard to deny that Freak is a classic ’90s R&B slow jam. Highlights: That hooky chorus with the girls yelling “PUMP! PUMP!” The ending refrain of “One to the two, to the two, to the three/Adina, do you want to get freaky with me?” as well the video featuring silver-clad dancers humping a wading pool. (Plus, check out the girl with the nails. You know she’s gonna get freaky.)

Ever wanted to know what David Lee Roth sounds like without Van Halen backing him up? Check out this VOCAL-ONLY version of “Running with the Devil.” Soooooo very awesome. I think I’ve found my new ringtone!

In this new series entitled “Your Friend, the ’90s,” we will be exploring the most extremely awesome examples of ’90s pop music—and today we start with an exceptionally wondrous, yet troubling song, “The Rockafeller Skank” by Fatboy Slim. Born Quentin Leon Cook, this Brighton DJ had an amazing 1998 with the aforementioned hit single, as well as his album “You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby” which also produced the UK #1 “Praise You” (video directed by Spike Jonze). While a fantastic dance number, “The Rockafeller Skank” is troubling for two reasons: 1) the complete breakdown of the beat halfway through the song, and 2) its most memorable sample “right about now, the funk soul brother” was lifted from Lord Finesse who was neither consulted beforehand about the sample, nor ever paid any royalties. BOOOOOO!!!

Regardless, while I could certainly give you the approved video that was broadcast on MTV, I think it’s far more revealing to show the cultural influence this song had on the nation’s teenage psyche, with this version of the Skank from the classic 1999 film, SHE’S ALL THAT (starring Freddie Prinze, Jr, and Rachel Leigh Cook). Check out this hilarious, and WAY overly choreographed prom dance scene. While it’s possibly the most unrealistic prom I’ve ever witnessed in my life (besides the fact that Usher is the DJ), I really, really wish my prom had been like this.

Are you ready for some bad motherfuckin’ shit?! It’s time to break End Hits’ string of bashful white indie-rock with some beautiful blackness.

Crank up Nina Simone getting Funkier Than a Mosquita’s Tweeter.

It’s a cover. Tomorrow I’ll post the original, which sounds completely fucking different, but in every way just as fierce. See you then.

(photo: one of Darius Miles’ whips)

MotherFucker! He’s done it again.

Oprah Magazine writer Oregonian “Sports” columnist John Canzano filed another one of those stories that made me spit out my morning coffee. And Jesus, then the coffeeshop dog came over and lapped it up. Gross.

Now, “this is a music blog” you’re saying. Yeah. Well check this, Canzano writes:

“Lupe Fiasco is the hip-hop version of the Trail Blazers.”

Ok, Johnny boy, whatever you say. Sure, Lupe is a somewhat palatable hiphop posterboy for repressed white people like yourself, but come on. If you were going to make a blazers-music analogy wouldn’t you want to choose a BAND? You know, beacuse it’s WORKING TOGETHER that makes them good.

Maybe like, oh, I don’t know, Dannity Kane or something? They like, fought to make the team, and, uhh, rely on one another. Whatever. Who cares. Music-sports analogies are stupid.

But so is Canzano’s painting the picture that the new Blazers all listen to nice-boy music like Lupe. This, I happen to know, isn’t the whole truth. Last year I interviewed a bunch of Blazers about what they liked, and it wasn’t a bunch of weak sauce.

Sure, Travis Outlaw is good kid, but that doesn’t keep him from bumping the Birdman (“I’mma Fuck Around And Put That Boy Brains On The Table
Pick ‘em up, fuck ‘em Let ‘Em Lay”).

Yeah, Brandon Roy’s a stand up guy, but the last concert he went to then was E-40 (“You got a mean throat game and your coochie is serious/ Pussy so good I fuck you on your peroid”).

And though he may not slurp the syrup, babyfaced sweetheart Martell Webster does enjoy himself some Lil’ Wayne (“Money over bitches and flowers over snitches” — and Lil’ Wayne is the Best Rapper Alive, by the way).

What does it all mean? Easy: the music you listen to says little about your character. Chew on that Canzano, you insufferable sot.

Alright, now we’re moving on to a sports tirade, so follow along if you like.

When 1999’s “Summer Girls” by LFO was originally released, I thought I would blow my head off if I ever heard it again. HOWEVER! Now that some time has passed, my view has softened somewhat, and I am now prepared to declare it “BRILLIANT.” But first the pros and cons:

CON: Their name is LFO which stands for “Lyte Funky Ones.” UGH! Together they look like every single douchebag you ever hated in high school. Plus they’re white, and they “rap.” And their lyrics were apparently written by a fourth grader who is still recovering from a diving accident where he received massive brain trauma.

PRO: Viewing it now, not only is this song HILARIOUS, but it’s absolutely adorable in a “these guys are so washed up now, they pose absolutely no threat” kind of way. Plus the lyrics, dumb though they may be, give me that same giggly joy as a Ramones song. Check out a sampling.

Stayed all summer then went back home,

Macauly Culkin wasn’t Home Alone

Fell deep in love, but now we ain’t speaking

Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton

When I met you I said my name was Rich

You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

Wait… WHAT?! Anyway, watch the video, and tell the truth: ISN’T IT KIND OF FREAKING AWESOME?